


Never again

by berserkishard



Category: Berserk
Genre: Blackmail, Blood, Demons, F/M, M/M, Rape, guts not being ready to give up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2018-12-10 19:08:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11698038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berserkishard/pseuds/berserkishard
Summary: Griffith takes Casca captive when he lets his demon-army attack Elfhelm.He forces Guts into doing exactly what he wants from him, threatening to kill Casca if he doesn't.Guts would do anything to keep Casca save, even become Griffith's slave.But he won't give up too, he will do anything he can to fight against Griffith and save Casca.He is, after all, not a pussy.





	1. Rage

It happened just when he had started to hope. The Elfking had taken Casca with him, with the promise of restoring her broken mind. For the first in such a long time he had hoped again. He had hoped to get his Casca back, his strong-willed, perfect Casca. He had allowed himself to smile, thinking back to the old days, where he and Casca had fought alongside, loved each other. But of course it could never be this easy.

Griffith’s demon army had somehow managed to break into Elfhelm, using the moment of where the Elfking had been busy with Casca.

Guts, of course, as always, had taken up his sword, his injuries be damned. He had fought against them, had slayed as many as he could, but in the end their number had been too overwhelming. They had surrounded him, wary of the strong fighter, fearing to be slayed in a last attempt at killing demons before dying by their hands.

But then Griffith had appeared, shining as bright as at his second rebirth. This time he even had wings on him. Serpico, who had also taken up the fight, but had to retreat because of the sheer number, watched Guts, fearing that the angry man would grant the powerful armor he wore, access to his mind and body, to defeat the monster before him. Guts, after staring at this sick parody of an angel, felt hatred and so much wrath rise up inside of him, that he thought it would destroy him. The wolf stirred inside his cage, wanting to break free and murder his nemesis once and for all.

Guts screamed at Serpico to protect Casca and the others, then ran straight at Griffith. Serpico screamed at him to stop, to protect her with him, but Guts was too far gone in his rage, too deep down in his own personal hell of memory.

As he stared at the figure in the sky, flying up there like some fucking angel, he remembered the night, the Apocalypse. How helpless he had been, how weak in comparison to the demons.

He had had no chance, had tried to fight them, to save Casca, his Casca, to save Griffith, not fully believing that his best friend had betrayed them, him, like this.

But he had and all around him, he saw his friends getting ripped apart, eaten and crushed. He couldn’t help them, was too weak, the demons too strong.

But not this time. He would not let Griffith kill his friends again. He would protect them, even if he lost his own self in the process.

With that thought he let his rage consume him, let the armor take control. He felt the helmet slip over his head, engulfing him in blackness. He saw Griffith only as a bright light, not really remembering who exactly that person was, but instinctly knowing that he had to kill it.

He slayed the demons getting in his way, his gaze focused on the bright spot in the sky. The voices inside his head screamed at him to tear it down, to kill and devour it. He jumped on the falling body of a demon he had just killed, getting closer to his goal. Suddenly he saw something quickly heading towards his direction, forcing him to turn away from the source of the annoyingly bright light.

Something big crashed into him, too fast to really deflect it. He at least managed to swing his sword into the direction of the attacker, forcing the other to retreat. He only saw the outline of the body of the attacker, massive wings and a body, one horn. Something deep inside him wispered: Zodd.

He felt immense rage at that realisation, fueling the armor, making it even stronger, making himself an enemy not easily defeated, even for an apostel. His swing missed his target, gravity pulling him down, forcing him to land. When he did, he was at once attacked by endless demons, all of them trying to tear out pieces from his body, to make the dark knight fall. But he wouldn’t let them, something deep inside told him that they had taken enough from him already. He tore his sword through their bodies, painting the floor black with their demon-blood. They were only distraction, the real threat was the glowing light in the sky above him.

He gutted a demon, the innards scattering all over his body and focused on getting up to the light, to finally tear it down and destroy it forever. He sensed the attacker from before getting closer to him again, dodging him as he tried to tackle him, grabbing the tail of the beast and holding on. The monster carried him up to the sky, only now realising that Guts was crawling onto his back. But it was already too late. The black-clad man swung his enormous sword, plunging it inside the big neck of Nosferatu Zodd.

Zodd’s eyes widened. Could this really be the end of him? After all this time on the battlefields of this world? Would he really find his end here? He tried to get his unwanted rider off his back, only resulting in hurting himself more. He stared at the one who had managed to make him feel pain, after such a long time living without it. But what he saw wasn’t the man he had learned to respect for his incredible endurance, but a mad man in an armor. The eyes that wildly stared back at him, weren’t human, they were the eyes of a monster. Suddenly light surrounded the pair. He felt the presence of his new master, the white hark, Grittith.

“Stop this, Guts.”

Those words, calmly said, shone brightly like the figure that spoke them. Inside the walls of rage and wrath, Guts heard those words, taking him back to the past, where the orders of his friend had meant something to him. Fuck him. Fuck Griffith, fuck his new country, his fucking demons, fuck everything the man had ever done to him. Guts would never listen to the man’s orders again. He gritted his teeth, gripped his sword harder and seperated Zodd’s head from its body. Faster than humanly possible, he pushed himself off of the falling body, repelling himself into the air, aiming his large sword towards Griffith. The red mist, that always came with letting the armor take over, had vanished, granting Guts the possibility of fighting with the armor’s power, but also with his own, sane mind. The closer he came to Grittith, the more his neck hurt, even through the armor.

“So you really don’t care for Casca after all.”

The words, vocalised so innocently, made him falter.

_Casca?! She is safe with the Elfking. Isn’t she?_

He couldn’t miss this chance at trying to take down Griffith, swinging his sword at him, hoping the white haired man was bluffing. He put everything into his blow, aiming for the head of his hated, former friend.

Suddenly there wasn’t Griffith anymore, instead Casca was flying in front of him, staring at him with her confused, accusing eyes. _An illusion? Maybe it’s still Griffith, but if I pull through and it is Casca... Damn!_

He let his sword take another course, the swing too strong to stop it. When he bagan to fall down again, gravity taking its toll, he stared into the eyes of Casca, knowing instantly that it was, in fact, her.

Fuck. Griffith had Cacka.

He was so focused on Caska, that he didn’t see the tentacles that caught him, binding him and making an instant escape impossible. He looked around wildly, trying to get out of the tentacles. Suddenly there was Griffith in front of him, looking exactly like he did when he left him after that fight in the snow, breathtakingly beautiful, even for someone like Guts. This made him angry, he wasn’t like those others that were blinded by Griffith’s outward appearence, he would not be played with.

“Griffith. Let. Casca. Go.” He stressed every word, letting all of his hatred and wrath pour into them. He stared his former friend straight into the eyes, only finding something unhuman and cruel staring back at him. Griffith made a movement with his hand, dictating him to get closer, the tentacles acting accordingly. As he was placed right infront of Griffith, too close, the pain in his neck became almost unbearable. He wanted to stay focused on Griffith, but the threat of having Casca injured was still present in his mind, so he looked around, trying to see if she was still there.

“Are you looking for Casca? Well, she isn’t here anymore. Right now she is being brought to my castle.” Guts was silent for a second after he heard those, nonchantly uttered words.

What. Did he hear that right? It couldn’t be. Not now, not after everything they had went through so that she would be healed.

“YOU BASTARD!”

With more anger and strenght then he would have ever thought possible he grabbed his sword and tore through the tentacles holding him, making them drop him. When he landed, thousands of demons surrounded him, reminding him of a time where they had taken everything from him. Rage consumed him, the helplessness and anger of that day fueling him, making him able to take down the demons that were closest to him. He tore through eleven of them, shedding their blood, scattering their bones and heads. He could see how the demons behind them tried to take a step back, so afraid were they of the mad man inside the black armor.

“Enough.”

Suddenly he couldn’t move anymore. Some power was keeping him from swinging his sword, from killing more of those demons. He tried to stare up at Griffith, knowing that the bastard was responsible for this.

Suddenly he was moved up into the air, in front of Griffith again, who was staring dissapointed at him.

_Why the fuck is he dissapointed?! Did a friend of his betray him and let demons kill all of his friends?_

He didn’t know how he was able to joke in such a situation, but the thought made him feel better nevertheless.

“Okay Griffith, I get it, you are an all powerful god that can control my body, huge demon armies and even take one human-woman captive. Great for you! Now if you’re so powerful, what the fuck do you need Casca for? Didn’t you hurt her enough already??” He practically screamed the last words into the now blank face of Griffith, so angry and fired up, he didn’t fear the consequenses.

“My, my, Guts. So much anger. But you were always like this, weren’t you? Now to answer your questions. Yes I am an all powerful god that can do anything he wants. And yes I have hurt Casca enough already, it is your choice if I do anything else to her than provide the best care she could ever get.”

Guts was stunned into silence after hearing those words. Care? What the fuck was Griffith talking about? Apparently his confusion could be seen on his face because Griffith sighted as if he was talking to someone incredibly stupid.

“I want you Guts. Your body and soul, serving me. Not fighting for me in my army, but giving me pleasure.”

What. What. The. Fuck. Did he hear that right? Was he still fucking sleeping? The words that just came out of the mouth of Griffith, no Femto, couldn’t be true. Pleasure? Serving him? Okay something was going very wrong right now.

“Okay, what the fuck? Serve you? What is wrong with you?! Don’t you have enough women and men in your new country to make them do that for you?? And why the fuck would you go through all this trouble to make me your personal slave?! Don’t you have better things to do?? Listen Griffith, or Femto, or whatever the fuck you are calling yourself lately, I don’t want to serve you, let Casca go, let us go and we will never come back again. You saw that we didn’t attack you when we saw you on that battlefield, everything we wanted to do was to heal Casca. And you destroyed even that!! What did we do to you to make you do that? Didn’t you say you don’t feel anything for us anymore?? Didn’t you show up by Rickard just to prove that??!”

Guts didn’t know why he said all of that, the anger of years, the questions he had asked himself over and over again, pouring out of his mouth, pointing accusingly at the one that had made asking them necessary in the first place. Griffith stared at him, as if thinking about snapping his neck, just to get rid of something annoying.

_Do it, Bastard. Get it over with!_

Then the white haired man released another sight.

“Listen Guts. Either you agree and Casca will survive or you don’t and I’ll have her ripped apart in front of you. Choose now.”

_What. He couldn’t be serious, what the fuck was even going on?? And what kind of choice was that??_

Guts stared at Griffith, not fully believing that this was happening. Why should someone like Griffith need him, someone only skilled in the way of war, to give him pleasure, to become his... sexslave? Some kind of late revenge? Some more pain and humiliation for the man that had struggled through the branding, that had resisted everything that had been thrown his way. It didn’t matter. If he could save Casca he would do anything.

“Okay Griffith, we both know that there isn’t much of a “Choice” here. So.. I agree. But I have one question. Why?”

Griffith had smiled when he had reluctantly agreed and now continued to stare at him. “That is something I will tell you after you proofed to be of value. Don’t struggle now.”

He made signs of flying off with his new accesoir, making Guts panic.

“Wait!! I can’t just leave! I can’t leave my comrades just like that!”

Griffith arched one perfect eyebrow at him, looking back to where Serpico and Isidro were fighting the demons.

“Hmm... Alright Guts. I will tell my army to leave Elfhelm and to keep your ‘comrades’ unhurt.”

The way Griffith had pronounced the word comrades made Gut even more angry and confused about this whole situation, but he tried to keep his tongue and anger in check, now wanting to hurt his friend because of how Griffith could react when he insulted him.

“Can I at leat tell them where I’m going?” He had to bite his tongue to not insult Griffith or say anything the other man wouldn’t want to hear. The threat of Casca’s death was too real on his mind.

“Hmm. If you promise to keep it short. And remember that I allowed it. If you don’t behave I can start with taking their lifes.”

The way Griffith could say such cruel things with this angel face of his made Guts incredibly angry. But he had to control himself.

“I will.”

Griffith moved his hand and Guts was being lowered to the ground, the power keeping him from moving disappearing.

The demons which had been everywhere slowly retreated, making a path for Guts. He walked to where Serpico and Isidro stood, not really thinking about what was about to happen. It had all went so fast! He couldn’t wrap his mind around what had happened. Griffith had sent an entire demon army to get Guts to suck his cock?? What was even going on right now?? But the promise of Casca being healed... It made Guts keep walking, strong for what was about to happen.

When he reached Serpico and Isidro, they were staring at the retreating demon.

“Guts! How did you do that, at one moment they want to kill us, at the other they’re running away!” Isidro looked at him, his eyes shining with admiration for Guts. Guts couldn’t look at him. He didn’t deserve such trust. He stared at Serpico instead, hoping for the man to understand him at least a little bit. He too had done everything for the women he loved, even fight him, Guts, a man he knew to be impossible to beat.

“I-I have to go. Griffith has Casca and threatened to kill her if I don’t listen to him.”

Isidro gasped, shocked at his announcement. Serpico remained silent.

“I’m sorry. If I can, I will return, but for now it seems... impossible.” He turned his back to the two, not able to look at their shocked and sad eyes anymore.

“Wait.” Serpico’s voice, calm and strong, so like him. Guts stood still, waiting for the man to say something.

“What ever will happen, it doesn’t matter. Save Casca and come back to us. We will wait for you.”

Guts had to swallow, how he deserved words like this, comrades like this, after he had left his own behind once, he didn’t know. But he was incredibly thankful. He could only nod, not able to look back and walked towards where Griffith was waiting for him. He knew that this was the end for him, the real him, not the one Griffith wanted him to be. His sex-slave. Ha! Now that would be funny, Griffith trying to get pleasure from him, was like trying to have an interesting conversation with a donkey. Well, if Griffith wanted that, he was welcome. As long as Casca was save...

“Did you say goodbye? It will be the last time you see them.”

He nodded, not able to say anything else and risk angering Griffith and with that risking Cascas wellbeing.

Griffith pointed a hand at him and Guts felt the power from earlier make him unable to move. He was lifted up into the air, feeling as if he weighted nothing. Then Griffith spread his wings and flew off with him, not granting him one last look back at his friends. He felt hopelessness rise up inside him, but managed to beat it back down.

_The last time I see them? Well, let’s see about that, fucker._

He would not be broken that easily.


	2. To bow ones head

He stared at Griffith while they flew, his former friend looking exactly like he had when he had been born the second time. He remembered that moment, how he had stared at him, his thoughts slowing down, his whole being stunned by that absolute beauty and perfection.   
But it hadn’t been Griffith, his friend was dead, had died in that torture chamber, deep deep down in the ground. All that remained was Femto.   
Guts remembered the immense rage and wrath he had felt upon the sight of Griffith in his new, seemingly perfect body. But he also remembered how he had forgotten his rage at the thought of Caska. How he hadn’t followed his bloody path for revenge and had escaped with Caska, not attacking Griffith.   
He didn’t know why Griffith had come to Elfheim and had threatened to kill Caska if he, Guts, didn’t do exactly what he said, but all that mattered to him right now was Caska’s well-being. He would give everything if it meant that he would see her whole again. Even if Griffith was the reason for that. Still it was fun to annoy the cold bastard.   
“Hey Griffith, remind me why you’re fucking doing all this, just to have someone you can fuck?”   
Guts knew it had no point asking that and that it would only serve to annoy Griffith, if a god like him could even get annoyed, but he wanted to see how Griffith would react.   
Griffith spared him a glance and when Guts saw those eyes he knew that there wasn’t anything in them that was even close to the eyes the old Griffith had had. It managed to send a shiver down his spine.   
“Please stop trying to get me angry or annoyed at you. All you will gain is having Caska hurt. I will not be insulted by your poor choice of words.”  
Well so much for wanting to see the Bastard’s reaction. Even before Griffith had been turned into some fucking demon-angle, he had spoken and behaved like someone of higher status. But now it was as if he had a royal stick up his ass. Guts had to be careful, choose his words wisely.   
“Yeah, yeah, I’m so sorry, all I want to know is why you’re going through all this struggle to take me with you.” Well, at least he tried.  
He hoped that Griffith wouldn’t take his apology as sarcasm, he didn’t want to risk Caska’s life just because he wanted to let some of his anger out.   
“As I told you earlier, I will tell you when I deem it to be the right time. Now stop asking useless questions.”  
Great. Now he had to wait for the fucked up reason why exactly he was taken away from his companions and forced to do everything Griffith wanted him to do. While they had had this delightful conversation, they had appearantly arrived at their destination. He saw the castle Griffith had spoken of, or rather saw the front of it. The castle had to be the most enormous building he had ever seen. He couldn’t see exactly how big it was, but it had to be bigger than every castle he had ever seen.  
When they landed, voices began to cheer and only now Guts noticed all the people around him and Griffith. They screamed Griffith’s name and he noticed love and admiration in their eyes. It reminded him so much of the hawks, how they had trusted Griffith, put their lifes and hopes inside his hands. How they had died because Griffith had betrayed them. Sold them.   
Guts gritted his teeth, he couldn’t let his anger out, not on Griffith and not on the people around him.   
Griffith had lifted his restraining powers from Guts’ body and let him on the ground. Finally he could look around again, taking the sheer number and excitement of the people around him in.   
He felt instantly threatened. He wanted to start slicing into those people around him, making them bleed and die for celebrating a monster as if it was some fucking savior.  
“Now Guts, don’t get aggressive. Follow me.”   
Appearantly Griffith had noticed his rising aggression, deeming it better to get Guts away from the crowd.   
He had no choice but to listen to Griffith and follow the angel-like man inside the huge castle.   
“Where’s Caska?” said Guts, trying to calm down. If he was about to give his fucking body to this man, he wanted to know at least that the person that he did it for was alright. Griffith didn’t answer or even show a sign that he had heard him. Guts tried to remain calm, but all the anger inside him wanted to get out.   
He grabbed Griffith’s back and turned the white hair man around. He wanted to scream into Griffith’s face but the look the man gave him stopped him in his tracks. Griffith slowly looked down onto Gut’s hand that had gribbed his shoulder. Guts got the massage but left his hand there.   
“Tell me where she is, I won’t do anything for you before I know that she’s fine!”   
Griffith looked up into his eyes, as if trying to see how serious he was. Guts stared back, stubbornly gripping Griffith’s shoulder even tigher. He knew that it propably wouldn’t hurt the god, but it felt good. Griffith lifted one perfect brow and reached up to grip Guts’ hand on his shoulder. He gripped it and squeezed, instantly making Guts double over and let out a pained groan. The pain that shot up from his hand was incredible. Next time he would use his other hand, but now he had the problem of a mad demon-god about to rip of his fucking hand.   
“Guts. This is the last warning you will get from me. You will do anything I tell you, because I tell you. And if you’re a good boy, if you behave... then I’ll show you that Caska’s fine.”  
Guts stared up to him, trying to find something in Femto’s eyes that reminded him of Griffith. He found nothing but the same sharp intelligence. Maybe Griffith had something this evil inside him all the time. Maybe he just hadn’t wanted to see that. But for now he had to concentrate on getting his hand back. He lowered his eyes, showing submission, almost hurting as much as his captured hand.   
“Got it.”   
He looked back up into those foreign eyes, trying to remember what they had looked like, before Griffith had sacraficed them all.   
Griffith let him go and started walking away as if nothing had happened. Guts glared at him before he pushed himself off the wall and followed his former best friend inside the huge castle. 

Inside he was greeted with the sight of numerous people, bowing down to Griffith. Anger welled up again inside him. This was what Griffith had always dreamed of? Being celebrated and treated like a god?  
He tried to keep his anger down, always thinking about Caska. He glared holes into the floor, trying not to let anyone see his anger.  
“Guts. Look at me.” Guts followed Griffith’s damand and slowly looked up. He tried to keep any challenge out of his look, but he could see in Griffith’s hardening face that it didn’t work. Fuck.  
“Kneel.” Guts remained silent for a moment, having heard and expected that command sometime but not ready to really comply with it. Fuck this was hard. How could he do that? How could he submit to the one he hated more than anything else in this world? How could he kneel in front of the bastard that had taken everything from him? His friends, eye, arm, almost his life and... Caska. You can do it for her. You have to! The feeling of powerlessness came over him, something he hated maybe even more than Griffith. He had been powerless once and had paid for it with his childhood. Since then, since Donovan, he had fought everyone that had wanted to hurt him. No one had been able to lay a finger on him without getting killed, no one but Caska and Griffith. He rembered her, how they had made love, how they had kissed and held each other together. How sweet she had been, how perfect in that moment. He would give anything to see her like that again, to see the strong and independent woman he had fallen in love with. Because even if he hated Griffith more than anything else in this world, he loved nothing more than Caska.   
Slowly he bent his knees, lowering himself to the ground. He felt the looks of everyone in the room on him. He stared into Griffith’s eyes, not giving the Bastard the satisfaction of looking defeated. This was nothing to him, if it saved Caska.   
Griffith seemed entirely unimpressed with his show of defiance, staring right back into his eyes. He seemed not satisfied with what he saw there, his angel-like face showing a dissatisfied frown.   
Heh. So he isn’t above being dissapointed with me, well he’ll have many more opportunities to experience that feeling. At the latest when he wants me to do anything sexual.   
His whole life had been about fighting and surviving, he was convinced that if he had ever been good at giving his partner pleasure it had been solemly with Caska. He had never thought about doing anything even remotely sexual with a man, him being raped as a child by a man had seen to that. Even only thinking about doing something like that made him feel sick. He doubted that Griffith would like it if he would throw up over him.   
“Open your mouth.”  
Well, here we go...  
Guts knew exactly what would happen now, Griffith’s tone didn’t leave any room for misinterpretation. Slowly, reluctantly he opened his mouth, all the while glaring into Griffith’s eyes. This wasn’t humiliating for him, in his eyes it was humiliating for Griffith, going through all that trouble just to have Guts blow him.   
Griffith’s frown disappeared, leaving his face so heart clenchingly perfect, Guts almost closed his mouth again to grit his teeth.   
Griffith reached out and touched his chin, placing his thump on Gut’s bottom lip. Then he slowly pushed the digit inside Gut’s mouth, exploring Gut’s tongue and teeth, touching everything in there.   
It was the hardest thing ever to keep from biting down, the impulse to do so almost killing him. But if he did that, Caska would surely be hurt and he couldn’t let that happen, it didn’t matter what happened to him.   
Griffith’s other hand came up and went through his black hair, stroking it almost tenderly. Then Griffith grabbed some of his short strands, pulling them so that Guts had to follow the movement.  
His throat was now vulnerably exposed to Griffith. He let out a small gasp as Griffith removed his thump out of his mouth and gripped his throat, choking him. He stared up into Griffith’s eyes and as strange as it was, he only realized now that they were red. It was the color of blood, the exact same color his friends had bathed in when they had been slaughtered.   
Griffith was putting more and more pressure on his throat, making him wonder if he would just kill him after all. But then, after a few moments of staring into Gut’s eyes, the demon let go. Guts tried to surpress his gasping breaths for needed air and was interrupted by Griffith lowering himself, putting his mouth next to Gut’s ear.   
“I just can’t kill you. Believe me, I tried. But everytime I want to end your struggling existence, something inside me stops me. You are the only thing keeping me from being the best version of me. I want that to stop.”  
And how exactly was that Gut’s fault? It wasn’t him that had insisted on making him join the Hawks in the first place and it hadn’t been him either that had flown all the way to Elfhelm to put him back into Griffith’s presence, `keeping´ the asshole from being the `best version´ of himself, whatever that meant. And if he didn’t have to worry about Caskas’s wellbeing and his friends getting hurt he would give Griffith the beating of a lifetime. Also this fucking thing inside Griffith that tells the bastard not to kill Guts could fuck itself, it hadn’t really been useful at the Eclipse.   
Guts couldn’t surpress some of his thoughts turning into words.   
“Well, sucks, doesn’t it? I mean, being a super abnormal demonking or whatever sure can be stressful, right? With all these petty humans trying to practically crawl up your ass. Also if I’m so fucking bad for your version or whatever, why don’t you just let me be? I don’t really know how you could change into something even more demon-like or what your ‘better’ version is supposed to look like, but if you’re willing to sacrifice that by blackmailing me into being close to you, it can’t be that great.”  
Guts stared at Griffith, the demon still too close to him. But he didn’t recoil, he stared him straight into his fucked up red eyes, showing him exactly that he meant what he said.   
Griffith’s fist hit him like a hammer, the force of it so strong it made him fly a few meters before he crashed into the floor, the room too big that it could have been a wall.   
“Don’t be disrespectful. I won’t have some low human like you talk to me like that.”  
Guts let out a small groan, his head hurt, hell, everything hurt. Slowly, he tried to get to his knees again, his vision swimming.  
Fuck. Why did he say that? Did he want to make Caska hurt? Why did he have to make fun about the one that could decide whether or not Caska was healed? He swallowed, his eye trying to focuse on Griffith. The demon’s expression didn’t show what his actions just now told about his mood, it was as blank as always. So fucking Griffith that it made Guts want to hit the fucker back.  
But he couldn’t do that. He had to protect Caska.   
Slowly he raised himself to his knees again, staring at Griffith the whole time. The demon stared back at him, his red eyes focused on his.   
Guts didn’t want to show the bastard how much it hurt to say the next words, so he tried showing nothing of the hurt pride he felt like poison inside him.   
“I’m sorry. I... It won’t happen again. “  
He almost bit his tongue, the words so unfamiliar and hated that they made him sick. But it was also the only way of pleasing Griffith’s massive ego and with that trying to keep harm away from Caska.   
He forced himself to keep looking at Griffith and could have sworn that something like a satisfied smile crossed the demon’s face.   
Slowly the beautiful man walked closer to the man kneeling on the floor, he let his fingers stroke through Guts’ black, short hair, watching him close his eye tightly, as if he wanted to block the feeling of Griffith’s hand out. Griffith couldn’t have that.   
He grabbed the short hair and forced Guts to look up at him. He took in the sight of Guts on his knees, helpless in his hands, forced to do anything he asked him to do. Something inside him stirred, it felt good to make Guts submit. He leaned down closer to Guts’ ear, lowering his voice to a whisper.   
“That’s good, Guts. And if it does, I won’t grant you a second chance.”  
He felt the other man shiver, either because of his words, or his breath on his skin. He smiled, leaning in even closer, wanting to smell the scent of the fighter. He smelled delicious, different than he remembered, but still so purely and perfectly Guts, that something inside him... hurt. The man on his knees smelled like gun powder and war, death and blood. It was so exciting and fitting that he didn’t want to smell anything else anymore.  
He had closed his eyes and opened them again, when he felt the other man move. He raised an eyebrow, surely Guts wasn’t so stupid to try to get away from him?   
“What is she doing here?!”  
Griffith looked over his shoulders to see who Guts had noticed and saw that Sonia had entered the large hall. He smiled at her and turned to face Guts again.   
“She is here to heal Caska. She is a medium.”  
Guts kept staring at the blonde girl that had entered the room, watching her watching him getting almost devoured by Griffith. He knew that he had seen that girl somewhere before this, trying to figure out where.  
How could a small girl like her heal Caska? When he had had to cross a fucking ocean to find the Elfking that could maybe heal Caska?   
His doubt was apparently obvious to everyone in the room, because Griffith chuckled and the girl stuck her tongue out to him.   
Now he remebered where he had seen her, it had been in that town, right before they had entered the ship to Elfhelm. He had seen the girl talking to Shierke, smiling the whole time. Then he had sensed something strange about her, not really knowing what he was that made him feel that way.   
So that girl had went on to become Griffith’s helper or whatever.   
He could easily see the devotion and love she had for the white haired man, it was reminding him of how Caska used to look at Griffith. He clenched his teeth. Anger and wrath were rising inside him, dangerously close to controlling him again.   
“Oh. He is so angry! I never felt anything like that before! And it is directed at you, Griffith!”  
Guts’ eye widened, of course it wasn’t hard to tell when he was getting angry, but he had tried to keep his expression as blank as possible. That meant that the girl was, in fact, a medium that could feel other people’s emotions. That was bad for him, now he couldn’t even hide them from Griffith. He looked at the other man, trying to see if he would be in trouble for getting angry. But the other man only stared at him, his hand still in Guts’ hair, his lips slowly stretching into a smile.   
“Well, Sonia, it won’t be the last time you will feel these emotions coming from him. But I promise you, he will soon start trying to change the way he feels about me.”  
There was a warning in his words, only Guts heard, Sonia only smiled again, skipping closer to the pair.   
“Sonia I told you about your task, didn’t I? The woman I’d like you to heal for me?”  
Griffith didn’t turn to adress Sonia, he focused only on Guts. Behind him Sonia nodded eagerly, loving the chance to prove herself to Griffith. She would make him proud!  
Then she looked at Guts that was staring at her, not picking up any emotions as before. That was strange, usually she felt everything the other person berfore he felt, Griffith being an exception, but now she didn’t even feel the anger or wrath from before. She shook her head, it didn’t matter. She walked out of the hall, headed towards her task. If Griffith wanted her to do something, she would do it gladly.   
Guts watched the girl leave, hoping against anything that she could heal Caska. But even if she could, what difference would it make? Caska would still be captured, maybe even not remebering what Griffith did. He would have no way of making sure she would be left alone, or be save inside this huge castle. He had to make sure that she would be brought back to Elfhelm, to the others.   
He turned his head towards Griffith, his eyes cast downwards, knowing that the pride he still had left would soon go away too.   
But it was for Caska. He would do anything for Caska.   
“After Caska is healed... what will happen to her?”  
He knew what these words implied, they practically screamed at Griffith that he would do anything, not only to keep Caska save but also to get her back to his friends, away from Griffith.   
He looked up at the white haired demon, noticing that the intensity of his eyes had grown even stronger.   
When he thought back and thought about it, Griffith had always looked at him. Even in a battle when he himself looked at the white hawk, he would already look at him, his piercing stare focused on Guts.   
A hand came up to his cheek, the skin soft and fair, as it had always been. Guts hand had always been rough from his years of holding a sword, his skin used and haggard.   
Griffith was right in front of him, his lips red and feminine as they also had always been. It was almost possible to forget that the past years had happened, Griffith looked so breathtakingly young and exactly the same as he had before he had left him.   
Something inside him hurt.   
“Your behaviour will decide what I will do to her.”  
And he was back. What was different was Griffith’s voice, it was the tone of a king, or something even bigger. It made Guts angry, wanting to beat that attidude of being better than everyone else out of Griffith. But he wasn’t stupid enough to do that, even if he wasn’t restrained, the threath over Casca could have been chains that made stay in place.  
He exhaled, closed his eyes. Then he opened them and stared back at Griffith, he was ready to do anything to keep Caska safe.   
“Alright. I’ll behave. I’ll do what ever you want.”  
The hand on his right cheek was joined on the other side with another hand. Griffith held his head in both hands, making him think of the second time where Griffith had beat him. He had held him exactly like now, telling him...  
“You are mine. Say it Guts.”  
Guts eyes widened, these long forgotten, familiar words striked him, made him grit his teeth. How could he? Wasn’t Femto supposed to not feel anything, not even the need to own something?  
Well, he couldn’t do anything but act according to Griffith’s wish. It were only three words, he could do it. This was the least he could do.   
But it also brought a finality to his situation. Like he accepted it, that he had given up. And that was not the case, he was simply waiting for an opportunitiy, a chance to kill Griffith, save Caska and run away. But he knew exactly how small the possibility of such an outcome was.   
He bowed his head, looking down, Griffith’s hand still on his face. Now that he thought about it, his brand didn`t hurt or bleed, either Griffith did something or the place they were was doing that. With how close Griffith was, normally he wouldn’t even be able to stand.   
He looked up again. This was it. He had to do this and everything else Griffith demanded of him.   
“I’m yours.”  
He managed to make the words sound clear and strong, betraying that inside he felt helpless and mad with rage. He watched as Griffith closed his eyes and an emotion like absolute fullfillment crossed his beautiful face. Then as quick as it had appeared, it was gone again. The hands left his face and Griffith stood up. He turned away from Guts and strided out of the large room, leaving Guts kneeling on the ground.   
As he was walking he said without turning around, “Someone will come and bring you to your room. You will stay in there, without making any trouble. I will come to you later.”  
Just as Guts wanted to protest, Griffith turned his head to him.   
“You are mine, Guts. You will do as I say. And remember, if you don’t, Caska will suffer for it.”  
Then he walked out of the hall.   
Guts sat there speachless, thinking about the things he had just heard and said. Then, slowly, his disbelieving look turned into one of determinitation.   
What ever Griffith or Femto or anyone else would do to him, would be nothing. Nothing in comparison to what he had already been through. He would survive this, just as he always had, he would act like the thing Griffith wanted him to be, but in the end he would take the demon’s head.   
And he would save Caska and return to his friends.   
He let out a laugh, let’s see who’ll win, Griffith.


End file.
